Being engaged is a way of doing life, a way of living and loving. It's about going to extremes and expressing the bright hope that life offers us, a hope that makes us brave and expels darkness with light. That's what I want my life to be all about-full of abandon, whimsy, and in love. I want to be engaged to life and with life.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
What do I know of Holy?
I believe that this post has been a long time coming. Although I haven't fully grasped the totality of it
all, God has been doing a work, a shifting and moving around in my spirit...a stirring up of something great. With growth there is always pain, but when the pain finally subsides there is evidence of a change. This is what I'm praying for...evidence of change in my life.
Last May, God gave someone a word for me that became kind of the launching point for this current season of life. The picture given to this person was one of a volcano. Not the explosive-ness experienced above the surface, but the simmering, stirring under the surface. The stuff that leads up to something powerful.
Only a few months later, in October, I attended a three day retreat where everyone was given one single word for them. No two people received the same. My word was Holy. I didn't understand what this word meant for me or how it may effect my life. As the other women at the retreat were sharing the word they received, each one seemed to make sense for them. I felt a little disappointed. When I got home from this weekend, still unsure what my word meant, I turned to the most basic definition. According to the dictionary, holy means: consecrated, saintly, godly, devout, pious, spiritually pure quality, devoted to service to God. I thought that these were all good things, but was still unsure how it related to my life.
Last week, I finished a course called Focused Living. This was a class that inspired deep contemplation on each individual's life and experiences. It made me think in a way that I never have before and as a result gave me great clarity as to what my biblical purpose is. I have been struggling lately with not really being confident in why I'm here, or what I'm suppose to be doing. I needed direction. I now know that my purpose is to be separate from the world and zealously pursuing holiness. I realize that my knowledge and understanding of what it means to be Holy is severely lacking. The part of my purpose statement that was most difficult, yet encouraging for me is the being separate part. I have spent my entire life feeling "different" or "set apart". Not by a lack of love or relationship, but I just felt somewhat alone. It definitely has not always been easy but I have come to realize that there is a reason, a purpose in my being separate. God has a great plan for my life, and though I may not be physically alone, my heart is to be set apart. Dedicated to serve my God.
Consistently, God has used different things in my life to confirm and spur me on in my relationship with him. I want so badly to know him in a new way and sometimes I put such great pressure on myself to do what we were taught in church growing up. God is so much greater than 5 steps to know God more! God is accessible to me at every point of the day and I need to be paying attention to his intimate touches. He is the master initiator...He's just waiting on me to take notice.
God is working in my life. I don't know what my tomorrow will look like, but today I am basking in His graciousness and love.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Let it be according to your word.
Luke 1:26-38
"Now in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin's name was Mary. And having come in, the angel said to her, "Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!"
But when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and considered what manner of greeting this was. Then the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David. And He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end."
Then Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I do not know a man?"
And the angel answered and said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore, also, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God. Now indeed, Elizabeth your relative has also conceived a son in her old age; and this is now the sixth month for her who was called barren. For with God nothing will be impossible."
Then Mary said, "Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her.
This is what I read in my devotions this morning...I can't tell you how many times I've probably sped through these verses with out much thought to the meaning behind so many of them. Sure! I know that Mary was pregnant even though she was a virgin and she probably got a lot of dirty looks and comments because of it...but have I really taken the time to think about the seriousness of her circumstances?
In a world where women did not work and had very little value, she was chosen...let me say that again in case it didn't really sink in...she was CHOSEN! Although she was troubled or confused as to how this word from the angel was actually going to take place, she never once doubted the truth in Gabriel's words. She trusted God even going up against something to culturally unacceptable as this! Something she did not understand. What astounds me the most is not that God chose her, or that she was "blessed among women", but that she ACCEPTED God's plan for her life with humility and submission. "Let it be to me according to your word." I cannot imagine the strength and courage it took.
I was challenged by this passage this morning. Life isn't exactly where I'd like it to be and sometimes I get so distracted by my unbelief and lack of faith that I forget that WITH GOD NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE! I can take this lesson from Mary, a woman chosen and highly favored by God, that even in the midst of circumstances that I don't understand...I can submit my life with no doubt that God has a plan and purpose for me.
Lord, increase my faith. Help me to accept your plan for me and submit myself to you even in my lack of understanding. For with God nothing will be impossible.
"Now in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin's name was Mary. And having come in, the angel said to her, "Rejoice, highly favored one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!"
But when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and considered what manner of greeting this was. Then the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David. And He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end."
Then Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I do not know a man?"
And the angel answered and said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore, also, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God. Now indeed, Elizabeth your relative has also conceived a son in her old age; and this is now the sixth month for her who was called barren. For with God nothing will be impossible."
Then Mary said, "Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her.
This is what I read in my devotions this morning...I can't tell you how many times I've probably sped through these verses with out much thought to the meaning behind so many of them. Sure! I know that Mary was pregnant even though she was a virgin and she probably got a lot of dirty looks and comments because of it...but have I really taken the time to think about the seriousness of her circumstances?
In a world where women did not work and had very little value, she was chosen...let me say that again in case it didn't really sink in...she was CHOSEN! Although she was troubled or confused as to how this word from the angel was actually going to take place, she never once doubted the truth in Gabriel's words. She trusted God even going up against something to culturally unacceptable as this! Something she did not understand. What astounds me the most is not that God chose her, or that she was "blessed among women", but that she ACCEPTED God's plan for her life with humility and submission. "Let it be to me according to your word." I cannot imagine the strength and courage it took.
I was challenged by this passage this morning. Life isn't exactly where I'd like it to be and sometimes I get so distracted by my unbelief and lack of faith that I forget that WITH GOD NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE! I can take this lesson from Mary, a woman chosen and highly favored by God, that even in the midst of circumstances that I don't understand...I can submit my life with no doubt that God has a plan and purpose for me.
Lord, increase my faith. Help me to accept your plan for me and submit myself to you even in my lack of understanding. For with God nothing will be impossible.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Set out or encamp?
In the last month or so, I have felt what I only can explain as "off". I myself could not find an explanation or reason, really. And I would get frustrated because I couldn't put a sentence together as to why I felt this way. Emotions are a mystery! I just didn't feel like me. I didn't feel anything really...it has been a season of being on "auto-pilot". Going through the motions.
I can now recognize these seasons when they come because they happen often in my life. They most often come when I am "dry" when I need to really press into Jesus. I'm not intentionally "dry", but nonetheless, the enemy sees an opening and he takes every opportunity to whittle away my dependance on my Daddy God. He sneaks in lies about who I was made to be, where I am in life, and the purpose God has for me. He creates confusion and sadness, discontentment and longing. He reminds me of my past sins and makes me second guess the free gift of forgiveness I have been given.
Needless to say, these seasons cause me to look inward...they present an opportunity to evaluate and make changes. I'm currently reading a book with a wonderful group of friends from church called, You're Already Amazing by Holley Gerth. This book is all about realizing and believing that our Daddy God already thinks we're pretty great...not to give us egos...we are still all very flawed and sinful but because of the perfect gift of Jesus dying on the cross for all my sins...I am beautiful to God. I am pleasing. In the last chapter I read, we focused on where we are going. I've since been meditating and mulling over the story in Exodus about the Israelites being freed from Egypt and their long delay to the promised land due completely to their disobedience. God set these people free from slavery just as he has set me free from my sin. He performed miracles along the way and yet they still chose to try and make it on their own. But! When they figured out how to pay attention to God's leading, when they kept their eyes on the cloud (presence of God), and they learned to obey, God delivered them to the promise land.
There are so many great things to be gleamed from this story, but what I'm soaking up right now is that by keeping my eyes focused on God, he will tell me if it is time to encamp (staying put) or a time to set out (the Israelites following God when the cloud moved). These can be both exciting and hard things to do regardless of your personality. God did not intend the journey to be so long and difficult for the Israelites. They took things out of God's hands and tried to control and do things on their terms. We can see how well that worked! 40 years of wandering was the consequence they had to endure due to their sin. I want to learn from their mistake.
All that to say, I've been asking God to help me rest in the knowledge that he has a "promised land" for me, and that he will get me there at exactly the right moment I need to be there...if I keep my eyes on him and keep obedience in my heart. I like to be on time...no, no...I like to be at least 15 minutes early to EVERYTHING! I panic if there is the slightest chance of being late (this is something God continues to work out in me). My feelings toward my "promised land" is that I DO NOT WANT TO BE LATE! And so, I have often tried to take a short cut or weave in and out of the people, circumstances, or places that may be causing me to get there "late". I've again been reminded this week that it doesn't work that way. That when you are in the biggest hurry, that is when you often get stuff in traffic...with no way out except to wait. Doing things my way just doesn't work. I can trust God to get me there on time! Even if I want to rush, I can still obey and trust. The shortest and easiest way is not always the best way. Sometimes the longest and most difficult journey is the safest, surest and best in the end.
I think I've figured out why I'm feeling a little "off". I am changing seasons. I moved to Texas a year and a half ago. That was a very scary and exciting time for me. A time where God was telling me it was time to "set out". Now, I find myself settled and comfortable in this new part of life. I now sense that God is telling me it's time to encamp. It's time to stay put and serve him just where I am. An equally scary and exciting time. I don't know what this season will look like, but I will continue on with my eyes focused on my Daddy God and ready for whatever he has in store for this portion of my journey to the promised land.
I encourage you to go back and look at this story of the Israelites in the book of Exodus, and evaluate where your eyes are focused. Are they on God?
~Brit
I can now recognize these seasons when they come because they happen often in my life. They most often come when I am "dry" when I need to really press into Jesus. I'm not intentionally "dry", but nonetheless, the enemy sees an opening and he takes every opportunity to whittle away my dependance on my Daddy God. He sneaks in lies about who I was made to be, where I am in life, and the purpose God has for me. He creates confusion and sadness, discontentment and longing. He reminds me of my past sins and makes me second guess the free gift of forgiveness I have been given.
Needless to say, these seasons cause me to look inward...they present an opportunity to evaluate and make changes. I'm currently reading a book with a wonderful group of friends from church called, You're Already Amazing by Holley Gerth. This book is all about realizing and believing that our Daddy God already thinks we're pretty great...not to give us egos...we are still all very flawed and sinful but because of the perfect gift of Jesus dying on the cross for all my sins...I am beautiful to God. I am pleasing. In the last chapter I read, we focused on where we are going. I've since been meditating and mulling over the story in Exodus about the Israelites being freed from Egypt and their long delay to the promised land due completely to their disobedience. God set these people free from slavery just as he has set me free from my sin. He performed miracles along the way and yet they still chose to try and make it on their own. But! When they figured out how to pay attention to God's leading, when they kept their eyes on the cloud (presence of God), and they learned to obey, God delivered them to the promise land.
There are so many great things to be gleamed from this story, but what I'm soaking up right now is that by keeping my eyes focused on God, he will tell me if it is time to encamp (staying put) or a time to set out (the Israelites following God when the cloud moved). These can be both exciting and hard things to do regardless of your personality. God did not intend the journey to be so long and difficult for the Israelites. They took things out of God's hands and tried to control and do things on their terms. We can see how well that worked! 40 years of wandering was the consequence they had to endure due to their sin. I want to learn from their mistake.
All that to say, I've been asking God to help me rest in the knowledge that he has a "promised land" for me, and that he will get me there at exactly the right moment I need to be there...if I keep my eyes on him and keep obedience in my heart. I like to be on time...no, no...I like to be at least 15 minutes early to EVERYTHING! I panic if there is the slightest chance of being late (this is something God continues to work out in me). My feelings toward my "promised land" is that I DO NOT WANT TO BE LATE! And so, I have often tried to take a short cut or weave in and out of the people, circumstances, or places that may be causing me to get there "late". I've again been reminded this week that it doesn't work that way. That when you are in the biggest hurry, that is when you often get stuff in traffic...with no way out except to wait. Doing things my way just doesn't work. I can trust God to get me there on time! Even if I want to rush, I can still obey and trust. The shortest and easiest way is not always the best way. Sometimes the longest and most difficult journey is the safest, surest and best in the end.
I think I've figured out why I'm feeling a little "off". I am changing seasons. I moved to Texas a year and a half ago. That was a very scary and exciting time for me. A time where God was telling me it was time to "set out". Now, I find myself settled and comfortable in this new part of life. I now sense that God is telling me it's time to encamp. It's time to stay put and serve him just where I am. An equally scary and exciting time. I don't know what this season will look like, but I will continue on with my eyes focused on my Daddy God and ready for whatever he has in store for this portion of my journey to the promised land.
I encourage you to go back and look at this story of the Israelites in the book of Exodus, and evaluate where your eyes are focused. Are they on God?
~Brit
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Radically given to Christ
This summer our church is spending time in the book of Proverbs. I've heard verses out of this book for practically my whole life...but this summer, God's opened my eyes, and really my heart, to what he desires for my life. To anyone who knows me even remotely well, you know that for as long as I can remember, I've had a dream of someday becoming a wife and mother. Waiting for that has been an extremely challenging struggle, one that I've had to combat every day. Although I've valued my relationship with Jesus, I've put a lot of my focus on being the material of a "good wife". Sometimes I get frustrated and even angry when I find myself still single. These are my weakest human moments because I start to doubt and question what God's plan for me really is. I know that He is the one who has given me these desires, but then the enemy, just like with Eve in the garden, causes me to doubt God's greatness and ignore all the blessings I have today. Through this series on Proverbs, I'm challenged to not work towards being a "good wife", but that my focus should be on becoming a godly woman. Because, if I'm not a godly woman, and my focus is not solely on fulfilling the purpose God has for my life, than I am worth nothing as a wife and mother. This dream and desire that God planted in me so long ago is still very alive in my heart. But apart from that, God has challenged me to grow as a woman. He has given me little reminders here and there, and reaffirmed my dreams which has renewed my hope for the future. Ultimately, this season is about me. And God of course. If I cannot be confident in the woman I was created to be, and place my life fully in God's very capable hands...than I am no good to a man or any other person in my life. God chose me...HE CHOSE ME! I cannot even begin to wonder what amazing plans He has for me, but I'm relinquishing any hold I have on trying to make things happen for myself. I want to be a godly woman. Whenever God allows me to meet my future husband, I know that it will be far greater than anything I could make happen on my own. It will be the perfect timing because it was orchestrated by God himself. I trust that in this season of singleness, God is working in my life to prepare me to be the best I can be. And I can also trust and pray that my future husband is seeking God in becoming a godly man, so that one day he can be a godly husband and father. It's hard. Most days I can't find the motivation to read God's Word, or spend meaningful time talking with Him. But overall, every day, I'm striving to become a better woman, a godly woman.
I want to...
I want to be a woman who is radically given to Christ.
I want to...
- Know my purpose
- Trust in His Word and know that He is intimately involved in every part of my life
- Have assurance that God does not fail and does not bring harm
- Be bold in my approach to fulfilling God's will in my life
- Demonstrate joy, peace and strength in difficult times
- Have courage to be who God created me to be
- Desire to receive vision from God for my future
I want to be a woman who is radically given to Christ.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Parent's first time to Texas!!
This last week has been so great! My parents are here and it's been so good to show them around and introduce them to my Texas family. We've been busy seeing the sights: The town of Gruene with a birthday dinner at the Gristmill for mom, The Alamo, The Riverwalk, Buckhorn Saloon with the Texas Ranger Museum as well as the Mission San Jose. We've spent good quality time with the Godin family and got to hangout at a new spot (one of my favorites now!) and listen to some awesome music by people from my church. On Sunday, I got to introduce Mom and Dad to lots of people at church which was so fun for me! It's wonderful for me to be able to show them the life I've created and the people I see on a daily basis. I've only got a few more days with them and we'll be making the most of them! Here's a picture of us on the Riverwalk boat tour.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
I am who I am, by the grace of God.
I grew up going to church...spending countless hours a week in the building we called "church". At a young age, my mom got a job at the "church", and thus, even more hours were spent there. I knew pretty much everyone there, and in turn, they knew me. I loved the status I got as a "staff kid", but hated the way I felt I was being watched. That I couldn't make a mistake. I was a representation of my parents, my family, and I didn't want to disappoint. I've come to terms over the last several years that I like to please people, I like to be compliant. I do not consider myself a push over, or easily manipulated, but I like to make people happy.
God has been revealing a lot to me lately and teaching me that He has made me the way I am for a reason. My whole life, I have held a lot inside and haven't allowed myself to reach out for comfort or encouragement from those who truly care about me. I always figured everyone had so much going on in their own lives that I didn't want to add to their burden. But, I would gladly take on theirs! Because I care, and wanted to lesson any pain that I could for those I loved. Instead, I became a pack mule for everyone else's troubles. But by hiding all my troubles and heartache, I was denying other's the opportunity to exercise their faith in God and the gifts they had been given.
When I moved to Texas, it was an opportunity for me to take a good long look at my life. My relationship with Jesus. And what I found was not what I wanted. I was saddened to see that I had let other's expectations and needs for me overshadow the gifts God made in me. Somewhere along the way, I got lost. Next week marks the one year anniversary of my move to Texas. This hot, dry place has been a oasis, that has produced much growth in my heart. I am so thankful for a God who came to Texas with me. He goes before me every moment of every day, and speaks loving, life giving words. He is revealing his character to me, showing me and affirming me in who he has made me to be. He's cultivating the woman He's made me to be, and helping me lean to love myself.
I've made some pretty significant mistakes in my life. But no one would know that...because I haven't opened up that part of myself. This last week, I had the opportunity to spend a whole day, uninterrupted by children or tasks that needed to be done, with an amazing woman of God, who has great wisdom and a huge capacity to love. For the first time ever, I was able to simple talk and share things from my life that happend as far back as 7 years ago, that I had never once truly talked about. The healing that comes from those confessions is absolutely incredible. I received so much love and encouragement from this woman and I left that day lighter. When we hold on to things, they stay with us. Moving to another state, or country does not make them disappear. But there is power in words. There is freedom.
It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to want to make people happy. It's ok.
I am who I am, by the grace of God.
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