"Never regret anything because at some point you wanted it"
"Sometimes we know we shouldn't and thats exactly why we do"
These are a few of many common sayings our society is hearing, speaking, and believing. But I agree with none of them. I have recently been plagued with memories of past decisions and hurts and recognize that it is an attack from my enemy. One that knows how to slither it's way into my mind, my heart, and my emotions. Although I know that I have been forgiven for all my sins, I still struggle with doubt, with disbelief, with regret. As long as I am here on this earth I will face trials and pain. I will constantly be pursued by an enemy who seeks to completely destroy me. Healing does not often come over night. I'm learning to day by day seek the Lord and plead with Him to give me strength enough to move past my past. I will not waste time dwelling on how my past will effect my future. My future is in His hands, and He only has good in store for me.
I know that I have been created to be a godly women. A woman of good character and strong integrity. I will not give up in this battle against my enemy. One that flashes hurtful memories, and taunts me with temptations. I can rest knowing that I belong to a God who overcomes all. My debts have been paid, my mistakes forgotten.
I can rest in this truth, "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
I can't believe how fast time seems to be going...the pages on my calendar keep getting turned and I can't seem to stay caught up!
Let's see...the last time I posted anything was the end of September. Much has happened in that time but I'm not sure I know how to put it all into words. I went home to Oregon for Christmas and had a great time with my family. Although I enjoyed every moment of it I was eager and ready to return. San Antonio has become my home. I am still in awe at how faithful God is to go before me and provide for my every need. I'm coming up on a year since I loaded up my little car with all my belongings and made the three day journey to Texas. I still have days where I look around and can't believe it! I have been blessed with an amazing church family and many friends.
I remember being hesitant to take this leap...wondering if it was the right move or if I would miss out on God's plan for me if I left Oregon. Silly thoughts really! I remember the time when I was just waiting for my life to start, meet a guy, get married, start a family...that's what I thought it meant to start my life. Although those things are all strong desires in my heart, I'm embracing this season of life, this season of being single and I'm getting to know my Father in heaven and letting him fulfill those desires. I've created this life for myself, I'm learning more about Jesus and myself and pursuing contentment in Him. I laugh when I think about how people talk about finding their "other half"...I laugh because I know what they're feeling, feeling incomplete, lonely, etc. We do not become whole when we have someone else. We become whole when we are in complete communion with Jesus. We need to strive to be a whole person before we add someone else into the mix. That's my current season in life. I want to be the best version of myself, the most whole in my relationship with Jesus. So that one day, when He decides I'm ready to meet my future husband, I'll bring a whole person.
I moved into my first apartment about a month ago and it's wonderful. Sometimes I feel a little lonely, but I'm filling my time with talking to Jesus, reading His Word, learning His character. I'm falling in love with Him in a way I never have before. My heart has been broken...ruined, and He's molding and re-shaping it into a heart that yearns for Him. I have a fresh understanding of my sinful nature and His saving grace and mercy.
God is so gracious, so loving and so faithful.
I heard this song last week...and it has become the Cry In My Heart...
