all, God has been doing a work, a shifting and moving around in my spirit...a stirring up of something great. With growth there is always pain, but when the pain finally subsides there is evidence of a change. This is what I'm praying for...evidence of change in my life.
Last May, God gave someone a word for me that became kind of the launching point for this current season of life. The picture given to this person was one of a volcano. Not the explosive-ness experienced above the surface, but the simmering, stirring under the surface. The stuff that leads up to something powerful.
Only a few months later, in October, I attended a three day retreat where everyone was given one single word for them. No two people received the same. My word was Holy. I didn't understand what this word meant for me or how it may effect my life. As the other women at the retreat were sharing the word they received, each one seemed to make sense for them. I felt a little disappointed. When I got home from this weekend, still unsure what my word meant, I turned to the most basic definition. According to the dictionary, holy means: consecrated, saintly, godly, devout, pious, spiritually pure quality, devoted to service to God. I thought that these were all good things, but was still unsure how it related to my life.
Last week, I finished a course called Focused Living. This was a class that inspired deep contemplation on each individual's life and experiences. It made me think in a way that I never have before and as a result gave me great clarity as to what my biblical purpose is. I have been struggling lately with not really being confident in why I'm here, or what I'm suppose to be doing. I needed direction. I now know that my purpose is to be separate from the world and zealously pursuing holiness. I realize that my knowledge and understanding of what it means to be Holy is severely lacking. The part of my purpose statement that was most difficult, yet encouraging for me is the being separate part. I have spent my entire life feeling "different" or "set apart". Not by a lack of love or relationship, but I just felt somewhat alone. It definitely has not always been easy but I have come to realize that there is a reason, a purpose in my being separate. God has a great plan for my life, and though I may not be physically alone, my heart is to be set apart. Dedicated to serve my God.
Consistently, God has used different things in my life to confirm and spur me on in my relationship with him. I want so badly to know him in a new way and sometimes I put such great pressure on myself to do what we were taught in church growing up. God is so much greater than 5 steps to know God more! God is accessible to me at every point of the day and I need to be paying attention to his intimate touches. He is the master initiator...He's just waiting on me to take notice.
God is working in my life. I don't know what my tomorrow will look like, but today I am basking in His graciousness and love.
