70x7 times

The other night I had a very disconcerting conversation with someone very close to me and needless to say, I've been troubled ever since. This conversation circled the topics of judgement, grace, forgiveness and when is enough enough? My viewpoint drastically rivals that of the other person...and my mind and heart simply cannot fathom how anyone could possibly think they are in any place to sever a relationship or make a judgement on someone based on very limited information (most of it second-hand). Now, don't get me wrong, I am a total advocate for not letting yourself be take advantage of or walked all over (and I understand there are exceptions to everything) but aren't we suppose to try to live as Christ did? Are we not capable of giving second chances and third chances, and even fourth, so on and so on...when we were given the gift of chances with no limit?

I can think of three specific relationships in my life that have given me ample experience in forgiveness. I have felt every emotion possible in these three situations and possibly made up some new ones! Over the years that I have prayed through these circumstances, I have pleaded with God to just make them go away. It has been in each major stage of my life, childhood, youth, and now adulthood that these relationships have taken place. If I had given up on or chosen not to daily forgive the person in the relationship of my childhood I would not have the privilege of having this new bond with my sister. If I had written off or backed out of the relationship with the person of my youth, I would not be able to daily pass on the love Jesus bestows on me to encourage and build up and believe in this very special person. He does not see the potential or worth that I do (but only because God sees MY potential). And with this most recent test of my faith, I am currently facing the choice to either sever or forgive. I was so completely heart broken by this person, and I am still very much in the healing process...but I refuse to let bitterness squelch my ability to forgive.

So, these last few days I have been contemplating the concept of forgiveness. I know that there are a lot of sermons and bible studies on forgiveness but does anyone really know how to do it? Why is it so much easier in some cases than others? I don't know the answers for you, or for me for that matter...but I'm determined to work at it until I find some answers. All I know is that I did not, and do not deserve the forgiveness that has been unconditionally offered to me by Jesus Christ. Just like we are forgiven time and time again by our FATHER...shouldn't we forgive time and time again? 

These are just a few of my many thoughts. I am challenged to continue forgiving because I would never want Jesus to stop forgiving me! We are on this earth to live like Christ and therefore bring others to Him.

Matthew 18:21-22

 ²¹ Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

 ²² “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!

T-minus 29 days!

Here are a few of the promised details regarding my up and coming move to Texas. I have accepted the position of Office Administrator at Lifehouse Church in San Antonio, Texas! The plan is to leave May 18th...yes, that's less than a month away! My brother will be driving down with me and staying a while in Texas before he will fly home. I'm very excited to have his company as we will be traveling just over 2,000 miles. The drive is estimated to take about 3 days.

I am in such awe of God and everything He's brought me through these last few years. I'm also proud of myself for pursuing something that I've dreamed of for so long (only by God's grace though)! It is so much harder than I ever thought to come to a place of total reliance on God when it comes to leaving everything you've known...everything familiar. The enemy is definitely still not done trying to convince me that I can't make this move, that I'm not strong enough. It happens most often right before I fall asleep at night, I feel this nudging doubt rising up inside me. But here's what I have to tell my enemy...I don't need to be strong enough because where I am weak, HE is strong. I serve a God who is far greater than you! Every area of my life where you try to destroy me, HE is re-building me! I can do this...because God will enable me.

These next 29 days are sure to be very busy! I have packing to do, repairs to make on my car, and many very special people to spend time with. I am absolutely and completely excited for this next season, and can't wait to meet my new church family at Lifehouse!

Even if you're on the right path, you'll get run over if you just sit there...

About five years ago, some of the most influential people in my life moved from Oregon to San Antonio, Texas. At the time, I couldn't have thought of anything worse. But, I sucked it up and moved on with life...continued my years in college and made certain I visited the great state of Texas at least once a year. I have never missed someone as much as I missed this family. They have poured into my life and keep pouring...their kids are more important to me than my own life. I watched them grow from the time they were born, but have missed much of their growing up years due to the distance that separated us. A constant ache has lived in my heart for these past several years. Why would God take them so far away from me? My family soon noticed that visiting them was  not just a fun vacation but a vital part of my mental and emotional health. And, each time I visited, it was harder and harder to come back home.

Moving to San Antonio, Texas has been a long lived dream of mine...but there has always been something that has kept me here. Whether it was fear, or the thought of leaving the people I love. This is what I mean by the title of this post...you can be headed in the right direction (me seeking God in wanting to move to Texas) but if you just sit there (me staying out of fear and lack of trust) that eventually, if I didn't take a risk in faith...I'd have gotten run over.

Let's go back to that question of "Why would God take them so far away from me?" Well...five years later I have the answer: God was planning to take me there too! I am ecstatic to tell you that I am moving to San Antonio, Texas! God is amazing...actively pursue your dreams.

More details to come...



As sweet as perfume...

"The heartfelt counsel of a friend

is as sweet as perfume and incense."

Proverbs 27:9 (NLT)

This week I got to experience some very sweet time with two women who have walked with me through life in very diffent ways. As I continue getting older I am rellishing these moments and noticing the importance of relationships that change with the different seasons in life.

Monday was a special day...my relationship with this woman started in my elementray school days and she has been a "mom" figure to me ever since. She has encouraged, inspired, challenged and at times rebuked me. She has opened her home to me, and let me cry my eyes out. I noticed with a new clarity this week that our relationship has evolved with us. She will always be a mentor to me but we have become friends. She shares things with me that she may not have a few years ago, we have adult conversations and although there is a wide age gap between us, we found ourselves dealing with the same feelings. I value this woman more than any words could do justice. One of the things I appreciate the most is her willingness to be transparent with me, to share the not so sweet moments in life. I'm a little lost for words here as I reflect on how important this woman is to me. She loves God, and has used her life experience to teach me so much. My time with this woman was nothing short of a blessing...a perfect Monday.

How lucky am I to have spent two days in a row with two wonderful women. Tuesday was a fun filled day with my best friend. This friendship started when we were both girls. And now, we find ourselves all grown up! We met at church as we both spent countless summer days hanging out while our moms worked in the church office. We met as infants, became fast friend as little girls and have walked through life together. We have experience deaths, relationships, break-ups, birthdays, heart break, dissapointment, graduations, etc...with each other. We laugh...a lot. No one else gets me like she does, we can mean to say one thing, but when it comes out wrong our conversation doesn't miss a beat because the other one knows exaclty what we meant. One of the things I appreciate most about my best friend is that she is the reason behind almost all of my new experiences. She brings variety to my life. I love her and would do anything for her. I smile when I think of her.

Simply put, I am a blessed lady. I have so much to be thankful for!

God inspired dreams.

Today has been a day of 13 or so hours of caring for other people's children. I know, some of you may just want to stop reading now! For many of you this probably sounds like an unbearable day. For me...this day was energizing, desire reviving, and thankfulness renewing. I am tired, but content.

God has placed this very real and powerful desire in my heart to be a wife and mother. I can't fully explain the intensity of this dream, but I have full confidence that I did not come up with it on my own. I find joy in loving and teaching kids. I am in awe of the dependence of an infant. I am thankful for those who have allowed me to "practice" being a mom by letting me be a part of their children's lives.

One thing that I am reminded of after this long day of meeting other's needs, is just how selfless my Father's love really is. How often do I live life like I am fully dependent on Him? Over the past year, I have faced a brutal wake up call regarding the flaws of my earthly family...but in turn I have been redirected to recognize the realness of God as my Father. I never fully got that before. Isn't it funny how it takes something devastating in our lives for us to learn more about God's character?

Children are precious, and I can't wait to have my own. Many people, and often those very close to me, think I'm crazy for wanting to be a mom so badly...but I have learned to embrace those dreams because God put them there! When someone asks me what I really want out of life, I now embrace my God inspired dreams and tell them, "I want to be a wife and mom." Don't let the world make you feel crazy for having dreams. Don't sit around trying to come up with new dreams. Embrace life, embrace your God inspired dreams.

So here I am, 13+ hours after caring for other people's children, and I am full of joy...my dreams rekindled.

The reason behind Bluebonnet Dreams

I have kept a journal of sorts for years and have decided to take it electronic! Blogging has always been an interest of mine and I've been inspired by many other "Bloggers" to start.

This blog, Bluebonnet Dreams (inspired by the Texas state flower) marks the beginning of a self awakening if you will...life is hard but I so often overlook the many many blessings and forget about what really matters in this life. Words are powerful...not only for others, but for ourselves. I'd like to share my words, thoughts, and dreams with you.

Please join me as I embark on a journey of appreciation and rediscovery!